Need a New Job

I'm done with counseling. Done with it. I've finally given myself permission to feel that way. I've been stuffing it for long enough. I dread every session. Every hour, I look at my schedule and think, "Oh, so and so's coming in; Oh, what am I going to do with this person? Oh, I just don't know what to do with this person anymore." I dread facilitating groups even more. The group dynamics, dealing with the one negative, domineering person in every group. Lately I've been wondering if I am the one negative, domineering person in every group.

And now as I bash on the profession and become frustrated with clients, I find myself resorting to the break up cliche that holds true even for this moment: "It's not you. It's me." I'm an introvert. And a very, very strong one at that! I also don't particularly enjoy sugar coating the truth, which it seems I do more often than not. The growing stack of papers on my desk is indicative of the job responsibilities that seem to also increase daily. The paperwork. The treatment plans. The notes. The phone calls to return. The emails to write. The papers to fax. I am a professional paper pusher.

I don't think I am alone in how I feel or that the agency I work for is unique in any way. I think this is simply the state of mental health agencies. It's not about quality care or expanding my knowledge base so I can help my clients, or even about the clients themselves, sadly. It's about the bottom line. It's about billing down contracts and completing notes in 24 hours and meeting productivity and stopping treatment until a therapist can write a Medicaid treatment plan so that the agency can be reimbursed for a service. All of which, I might add, I have managed very successfully. This is more than about some disgruntled worker who cannot meet the demands. I am not that person. I exceed those expectations. Community mental health is not about the community or about mental health. It's about money and burnout and frustration, and I am done with it.