Out of Town

I am in Norman, Oklahoma for a susbtance abuse conference. It has, unfortunately, so far not been very helpful in terms of my daily interactions with clients. But there is still tomorrow. The last few weeks at work and this conference make me wonder if I really want to continue on in this line of work. Substance abuse is one thing, but drug court, in which clients are more or less coerced to stop unless they want to go to jal, is another. The clients are very resistant. Many don't want help. Some think that they do not have a problem. Still others who admit they have a drug abuse or dependency continue to exhibit the same type of thinking patterns that led them to substance use in the first place.

Plus, it's very difficult to keep this seemingly clinical distance. We're expected to be genuine but also distant. We're expected to exhibit empathy for a client and her problems, but also not care about the outcome. It all seems a facade. At least right now it does.

Today I woke up around 330 AM. That is not when my alarm went off, by the way, that was just the hour that I was fully awake. I finally got up around 445 and left the house by 530 to drive about 2.5 hours. I'm exhausted. I did manage to squeeze in a 30-minute nap during lunch, so that and lots of caffeine have sustained me through the rest of the day.

Last night I packed each meal in a plastic zip-lock bag. All 12 meals for 2 days. And all day, I have been eating out of plastic baggies. I'm ridculously hungry today thanks to being awake at such an early hour. There are temptations all around me. This morning, temptation was juice, bagels, and pastries. This afternoon; cookies, brownies, and soda. I even received a free lunch ticket for the cafe, but I tucked that away in a bag that I left in my car.

The gym here is actually very nice. There are real barbells and weights and even some machines. And of course cardio equipment which does not look decades old. Getting in my 3rd weight workout this week is my priority for tomorrow morning. I even had to drive to the local Target to pick up gummy bears since I left mine at home.